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Prometheus, Epimetheus and DionysusForethought, afterthought and thoughtlessness
08 March The Uncouth OneIt's a little strange having this monster inside you. While you are in command most of the time, this fellow shows up every now and then and you don't even know he'd been out having a field day. Yes, I'll explain. You see, having a colourful language has always been a way of life for me. Maybe not always, but for the last 8 years for sure. Back home, one is forced to control it in the presence of the folks, and to some extent in public places. And its fantastic because it works! You keep on uttering the worst swear words for hours on end in college, and get back home...and manage to spend hours on end without a single one accidentally slipping out!
You know, these internal control mechanisms...they are so incredible! And the best part is it comes completely naturally with no need for explicit control on your part! But now I'm thinking that it doesn't quite work as well. For nearly six months running now, my tongue has had a free rein sayng what I've wanted to, when I've wanted to, virtually at will. I swear in the univ, I swear at home, I swear over the phone and over chat. I swear in the lab, at birthdays, while walking around...purely because I can and no one's the wiser for it! So all of a sudden I am fearful that I have completely lost control over that monster fellow, he is the one in command.
Not many, but a few people can attest to the fact that at times, I can show such contrasting behaviours, it seems outside the realm of normalcy. You could say I'm fantasizing that I'm suffering from some weird psychological disorder, but ever so often even I don't see this change happening. Its not even subconscious, its unconscious. I mean, you see a female with huge **** walking by in this place, and you just say it out loud! It's liberating, but also frightening at the same time ;)
But you know the title comes from the fact that most females around here keep giving me this baleful look on every occassion. Not surpising considering the reputation I seem to be making for myself. "The Uncouth One" they'll call me. Most of them will be hard pressed to believe that I am also capable of serious thinking, let alone capable of (and even inclined to) write and read as much as I can. You know, I just don't seem like an intelligent, cultured fellow! What I do look like is one of those rowdies who cannot control his language even in female presence. That by far does nothing help my chick situation, or the lack of it. Heck what am I rambling about, there is no chick here I am even half interested in.
But then why am I enjoying making myself this reputation? Am I behaving out of character, or am I finally behaving in character, letting my baser instincts dictate more than they should? Even more importantly, have I gone completely insane writing about something as foolish as this? Oh fuck this, I'll write something better tomorrow... 19 December The Return: Transient or steady state?Sadly, I must agree that it'll take an engineer to fully appreciate the meaning of the title. I am really not trying to create the impression here that I am studying with all due diligence, simply because I'm not! But the title simply reflects a constant yearning to be back to the "good old times" when I used to write and read blogs with amazing regularity, and it was a feature of my life. Thngs have, to say the least, changed since then, not just with me, but with most of my blogging circle. Nobody is as regular as they once were, and most have plain and simply quit. Whether in transience or in the steady state, I don't know. Heck, I don't know that about myself, heaven knows I am in no position to know about others.
But back to the yearning. I had finals the previous week, and as always they seemed to dig up the writer inside of me. Poor fellow virtually had to be resuscitated from the dead, and he is quite weak even now, but he is breathing. The question to be answered is whether he will be fed with a steady source of nutrition, or left to starve and die, never to be revived. There were so many things I had planned to write back then, all of a sudden I have no clue what to write about. It's less of a writer's block and more of inertia I'd say. A week back, I thought I would start banging the keyboard no sooner my exams were done. But I am finally getting down to it only 3 days later, and spewing out pointless crap. Lest you assume that I am claiming that my other stuff is profound, I am talking here about relatively crappier stuff.
mysticalnightpixie happened to drop by some days back, and I must admit I was quite pleasantly surprised that she remembered and took the pain of dropping by. I must admit that I have abysmaly failed to keep contact with the others, and it was a really nice feeling. So now I'm puzzled whether it is sensible to consider taking up "full time blogging" all over again, meaning obviously updating at least once a week, given that most of my past compatriots are no longer really around. Guess there will be a few new kids on the block, but the comment business, as pleasing as it is on the high days, also disgruntles me. Sadly, it has become such an integral part of the blogosphere because it capitalizes on such a fundamental human instinct of needing appreciation from others. Self satisfaction is a very rare virtue, and it makes sense too, for it is something I consider to be the ultimate virtue. A man who is at peace with the self needs nothing more on any front- social, economical, physical or otherwise. His universe is self-contained, between him and The Maker.
I am going on tangents again, but I could say that that is the purpose of this entry, it is just to get the juices flowing (the creative ones you pervert!). I have considered writing so many pieces, but there is very little motivation. There is no real place where I can possibly publish my writing in this place, except of course on the blogosphere, where everyone has access to it, but nobody reads it! I did think of writing some extensions to my piece on MS applications for internal circulation, but that needs to be thought over as to what it should feature and how it should go. This paragraph has been entirely stupid, even by my standards.
But what else do I have to talk about? The fundamental assumption here being that having moved to a wholly different culture, there will be something to write about. Well, there is, but it isn't even half interesting and not even anything anyone would be remotely enthused to read. I have been watching some movies though, and I could always take refuge in writing so called movie reviews, and I will probably end up doing that. But the thing is, its been so long since I wrote something good, that I am positively *help me find a good word here* about writing something kickass. See, I can't even find the right words!
So, now I am boring even myself (and only myself by the look of it!) with this incessant rambling, but I am kinda forcing myself to do it. I often end up churning decent stuff once I have let all the crap out :P. Damn, I'm gonna stop here. I know I'm licked when I can think of absolutely nothing to write! Till the next entry then! 06 July That Crazy ThingTwo species of people are particularly prolific all over India - madmen and Godmen. Who is holier of the two, is not as obvious as it seems. While Godmen occupy only certain 'exalted' locales, madmen are quite as omnipresent as about anything can be. You'll see them wandering on the streets, in torn clothes, matted hair, carrying out conversations with the infinite selves within themselves. Makes one sad to look at them, you wonder what the man must have gone through to end up in this state, and how pathetic it must be to live in that state of squalor. But then I think I've found an exception.
This one is technically a madwoman (sic), mad enough to qualify for an award. I have never seen her outside of a 20 ft stretch of road, and never seen that stretch of road without her for quite a few years. I can safely hypothesize that she rarely, if ever, has ever left that 'home' of hers. Usually, she is seated majestically on the footboard of one of the parked two wheelers. Her usual position is with her nose stuck up in the air, preening herself in a manner that can be described as regal. I saw her in conversation today, apparently with thin air, but practically with an entity she believes to be quite real. I think she considers herself to be a queen, and most of her routine conversations involve commanding mere minions to do her bidding. It doesn't quite matter to her that no such minions exist and that she lives off discarded food and is the object of hundreds of critical glances daily.
Gives me a feeling that she is much happier than most of us are. While its true that that her existence is quite unenviable and pointedly useless, she lives in a world where she is far better off than many of us who lead lives which have some 'point'. While we trudge through our daily share of miseries, she floats through them; for as far as she is concerned, they don't even exist! What put her into this condition must have undoubtedly been very traumatic, scars that deep which refuse to heal don't form easily. We human beings are suprisingly resilient. That given, she is probably far better off in her make believe world than she would be facing up to what has happened to her. After all, her reality is just as real as yours of mine. Isn't all reality ultimately what me make it out to be?
Of course, all mad men don't end up with the same kind of luck. Many of them spend their lives fighting with themselves (physically, literally), shouting abuses incessantly to an invisible enemy who won't leave them alone, and reliving some past incident that leaves them dithered. A strange way for the human mind to work. It makes you crazy when it can't take the pain, but only the lucky ones leave the pain behind. The others must simply live with it, not even understanding what it is that they are living. Or whether they are living.
Just so much for craziness, I'm suddenly detecting a lot of symptoms of it in myself! Heck, aren't we all; I just have a little more of it!
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
All of us sane people are the ones who are truly insane. And those we call insane, are dancing only for they can hear the music of The Maker... 26 June All in the name of loveJust today, I decided after a sizeable period to read a real 'newspaper'. While the Times hardly qualifies as such these days, it is still better than Mumbai Mirror and Midday, which is all I read in an average day. As is their wont, there was an article today with a graphic photograph of a girl whose clothes were literally saturated with blood, being held by her 'boyfriend' as people looked on. The twist? The said boyfriend had stabbed her in broad daylight as people watched on, then had stabbed himself. No, I don't wish to talk about apathetic Mumbaikars at this point, there will be time for it later. What I do want to talk about is the very fact that the stabbing took place.
The story has it that the two were seeing each other and wanted to get married. The only stumbling block was that the girl's mother wasn't ready. The boy was pestering the girl to somehow get her mother's approval. He waited some, then some more...and then he cracked. Seemingly deciding to himself that it couldn't happen, in one misplaced moment, he decided to murder his girlfriend and kill himself to set things right. Of course, none of that happened. He is safe, his girl critical. She might not live, if she does, she might not be quite the same. And all this in the name of love?
As far as emotions go, love has been the most extolled. While most of the focus has been on romantic love, all forms of love have been much praised - love for one's parents, friends, country being some of them. But looking at this report and the fact that it isn't an isolated incident forces a rethink. Just as the strength of love as an emotion brings out the best in an individual, it also brings to fore the most baser, most bestial instincts in an individual. History has witnessed this time and again. The present sees it everyday, as spurned lovers stab, burn and fling acid at the same objects of their worship; the very same for which they once pledged their lives. We see it in the millions insistent on waging a holy war for love of their religion. We see it in thousands commiting wanton and cowardly acts of terrorism for the love of their nation.
Wars have been fought over women, I can't quote any - not being a history buff - but they have happened for sure. Rulers have jeopardized entire kingdoms in such fights for personal gratification. This, for an ostensibly pure feeling such as love. It must make one question the very way in which love works. I harbour no doubts about the power of love to change things and do good. A mother will go to great lengths for her child, a soldier will not think twice before laying his life on the line for love of his country. But ever so often, something, somewhere goes terribly wrong.
Then why does love lead one to destroy the very thing one loves? Is it the raw passion that stops one from being rational and objective? Or is the possessiveness that slowly creeps in, unnoticed, and tarnishes the purity of love? Likely, it is both. The source of its strength itself proves to be its downfall. It is not just difficult, but virtually impossible to rein in. And too much of nothing is a good thing. When a lover thinks about what has happened, explores how he feels about it, he is so overcome by the tempestuos nature of his emotions, that his mind shuts down. It is at this point that his vile side takes over, just so as to suppress the maelstrom. He is no longer in control of himself.
The stage is set. He now does something you never expected him to do. He will repent his actions all his life. And in his afterlife. But its already too late. Who is to blame then? Is it the individual whose mind wasn't strong enough to deal with those emotions? Is it the emotion itself, because our innate wickedness is only suppressed and never removed, and the emotion triggers it? Or do we blame our maker for our faulty design? Now there is a question I'd rather not ponder!
Reminds me of a movie where Barbara Streisand falls in love with a mathematician. She's a teacher and once asks her class, that even knowing that love will eventually only bring us pain, leave us with broken hearts and crushed spirits; why do people fall in love over and over and over again? Leave aside all complex explanation. They do it only because while it lasts, it feels like nothing else can... 23 June Things I'll Never Say!If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down On one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say -Things I'll never say,
Avril Lavigne Well said Avril! Well said indeed!
Duur jitna bhi tum mujh se
Paas tere mein Ab to aadat si hai mujh ko aise jeenay mein Zindagi se koi shikwa hee nahi hai Ab to zinda hoon mein is neelay aasman mein -Aadat,
Atif Aslam No reason to complain there. If you don't have the courage to change your destiny, you just have to live with it. Zindagi se koi shikwa bhi nahi hai, but the fact is, door jitna bhi tum mujh se, paas tere main...
Too much singsong, eh? I hope I'll snap out of it and write something good soon :( 13 June Destined to be unsaid, destined to remain unheardI just happened to have a conversation (more like scrap exchange) with a good friend of mine recently. I would like to reproduce it here, without his permission of course!
Buddy:
wassap pure-genius? .. ;) Me:
Gimme a sec...am yet to explore the "subject" of your reply sms Me:
Oh just that? The old one? I'm disappointed Buddy:
dude .. i barely knew her .. not that that has changed.. damn,.. dont thses women understand when a guy actually reeks with the "main tumhaare liye apni jaam bhi de doonga" sentiment? .. Me: Temme about it man! They just don't seem to get it :( All of us sailing the same boat man, till we find it inside us to actually TELL them (how crude!) that such is the case... Buddy:
yea.. and then that doesnt seem to work either.. :'( .. Me: Unfortunately, I've never been able to take myself to that point. Just the fear that that won't work... I hope to take inspiration from you when I hear your tale on the next tell-all nightout!
Does the conversation make sense to you, in part at least? Did to me. By now, I just cannot draw enough parallels between his and my situation, there are so many of them. The fundamental difference being in the last step, as elucidated by the last two parts of that conversation.
So, these words got me thinking:
To martyr yourself to caution
Is not going to help at all Because there'll be no safety in numbers When the right one walks out of the door - Lost for words,
Pink Floyd
But I felt more like these:
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe it And that's the way it is - That's the way it is, Celine Dion
So however true this has been for the last few weeks:
All day Im walking in a dream
I think about you constantly Just like an ever flowing stream Your memory haunts me constantly - Constantly,
Cliff Richard
My indecisive mine keeps reminding me that maybe I'm being stupid:
Mere naseeb mein tu hai ke nahi
Tere naseeb mein main hoon ke nahi Yeh hum kya jaane, yeh wahi jaane, jisne likha hai sab ka naseeb - Naseeb,
Anand Bakshi
But a man's gotta do what he's gotta do, even if he doesn't know his destiny:
Ain't nothin' gonna change
If we stay 'round her Gotta do what it takes Cuz it's all in our hands We all make mistakes Yeah, but it's never too late To start again, take another breath And say another prayer - Fly Away,
Aerosmith
Wouldn't it be easier if:
Look into my eyes you will see
What you mean to me Search your heart search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more - Everything I do,
Bryan Adams
You need to make a choice before you do what has to be done, to even see if it has to be done and:
Whatever you do,
Don’t congratulate yourself too much, Or berate yourself either, Your choices are half chance, So are everybody else’s - Sunscreen, Baz Luhrmann
The fear is so real:
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be this hard - The Scientist,
Coldplay
My life is going all weird. Turned on its head for the 4th time. Will things change any this time? Or will the perpetual status quo exceed to infinity? Stay tuned. 09 June Movie Review: Ocean's 13Plans don't always materialise, but this one did, and I finally managed to catch Ocean's 13 on the first show of the first day. Woohoo!
Anyway, on to more pertinent matters. Having paid 120 bucks for the tickets, we were quite desperate to watch a good movie. This given that the last movie we saw was Spidey 3 which sucked, and O12 which was no good either. So, it was with this apprehension that we settled into our seats at Sterling, which has sadly been converted to a mulitplex.
The movie starts off well enough, with Brad Pitt dropping off a heist in progress, because Daniel Ocean has called for him. The first heist was for money, the second one to return Andy Garcia's money, the third one is for a much nobler cause. It so happens that their good friend Reuben has been cheated out of his money by another hotelier (Al Pacino). He is now not only poor, but has nothing to look forward to in life. He has a heart attack that leaves him barely alive. It is now upto Daniel Ocean and his cronies to give Reuben a new chance to live by wresting from Al Pacino what he has unfairly taken away.
And how can they do that? Al Pacino's board has 6 out of 9 members whom he does not 'own'. If the hotel does badly, then he will be kicked off the board. Just punishment. So the plot begins. How do you ensure that the casino goes bust and that he doesn't win the coveted 5 diamond award that all his hotels have won?
Enter a maze of people and technology. The rest of the journey is a whirlwind through plausible and implausible ploys and technologies. But all said the movie keeps you hooked. The plot flows smoothly, the editing is quite brilliant. The story may seem far fetched at times, but its definitely gripping if you aren't too churlish and accept it for the movie it is. Hats off to the team of script writers who came up with this story. Its fantastic, even better than the original O11. The movie is full of ready wit, one liners and the like. You'll find yourself laughing through most of it, even if it isn't a comedy. You'll feel the goosebumps rise as facets of the plot are revealed and things click into place within the movie and within your mind.
The actors are seasoned as always, no reason to complain. George Clooney and Matt Damon are brilliant, Brad Pitt is also good, though he has started looking old. The rest of the cast does well with their limited roles. Al Pacino is a little disappointing.
Overall rating: 4.5 stars. Definitely worth a watch, more precisely a must see. |
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