I start of with a simple request: please do not be intimidated by the length. If you have started reading, might as well read through the whole thing. I AM NOT BEGGING.

Well, here I am, with the promise I made in the last entry still fresh in my mind. So, here is an entry that purports not to be uplifting, but atleast mildly interesting. I shall be most pleased if people find it to be funny in some way, even sadistic will do fine. I debated a bit with myself before making this entry, because it seems to me that I am too young to be writing about reminiscences (hope I got the spelling right). But then again, I really needed to write something different, so I shall go ahead anyway.

I dont know whether it is writ large on my face, my guilty eyes, my heightened sense of conscience, but something very powerfully attracts traffic cops (hereforth referred to in the colloquial term pandu). Its like a pheromone but it works only on traffic cops. And it makes them demand money from me. No, it doesnt run in my genes. My sister is a case in point- she drove six years without a license, and was never caught. I, on the other hand, tip the scales at the other end.

I remember atleast 6 incidents, though there might have been more. Some of the conversations have been reproduced in Marathi. It is, very obviously, impossible for me to remember the conversations ipsissima verba, so they have been suitably interpolated at places.

Incident 1: This was a time when I was in the first year of junior college, all of 16 years old. I was riding my sister's old rundown TVS Scooty (without an electric start). It stalled more and rode less (colloquially khatara). I kicked it more and drove it less. Nevertheless, that is not the present point of discussion. I had a learner's license with very noticeable "L" plates on the front and the back of the khatara. I was headed back from IIT class and was dropping a buddy off home. The catch is, with a learners, the pillion rider must have a permanent license, which y buddy didnt. As expected, a whistle blowing pandu detected us. I stopped the vehicle, and told him to dismount. He did, and ran off without further discussion, leaving me and the pandu. An extract:

Pandu: Laysan pee-yu-shee daakhva (Show me your license and PUC)
Me: He ghya (take this, no I wasnt showing him the finger)
Pandu: Learner laysan haay, tumchya maage kon baslela? (This is a learners license, who was sitting behind you?)
Me: Maaza bhau aahe ho, tyaala ushir hot hota mhanun sodla (He is my brother, I dropped him off just because he was late)

Then the negotiations (mandavli) started. He quoted a random figure for the fine. I wallowed, begged, told him  dont have money, that my dad would be very pissed at me, that the money I had was for books, that I had to give an account to my dad. Told him that it was my mistake and would never be repeated. Just before the stage I was going to rub my nose on his shoes, he let me off. Success is mine!!

Incident 2: Dangerously low on fuel with no choice but to take an illegal U-turn to reach the nearest fuel station. Wise from the past, I had already dropped off my friend back somewhere. A pandu, as sly and stealthy as usual, was not detectable until I took the illegal U-turn and was caught. But I was too smart for him...how? My license had expired and I had no time to go to the RTO to get it renewed. So, my dad had a brainwave. We went to the police station and had my wallet reported stolen. My license was in the wallet. So, a report was made and a receipt issued which stated that my license was stolen. That was that. The pandu could not threaten to keep my licence.

Another victory!

The entry is assuming biblical proportions, so the remaining incidents cannot be elaborated on. So, a brief discussion must suffice. The third time was for breaking a signal. Actually it was simply an orange, anddad was with me. So, no money this time either!

The fourth deserves an entry all to itself. I was stopped at a signal (for reasons not apparent to me). I showed him my license. He stopped a guy (coincidence, concidence, the guy was on a Scooty!) and a girl. The guy got scared. He bailed. Broke the signal and went right ahead. What happened next was priceless.

He instantly sat behind me, and told me to follow the guy! Zapped as I was, I revved the accelerator and set off. The guy was waiting at the next signal, he caught sight of me, and bailed again! With a pandu as pillion, I broke the signal too. The chase continued for another 3 minutes or so, and we lost sight of them. The chase was aborted. 10-4..control room..we have lost the suspects ;-)

But what the pandu said was even better. He said to me, "Tum gaadi theek se nahi chalaata. Isliye woh choot gaya". Huh?

The last one was about 2 months ago, and was the only incident when I had to pay up. It was a case of illegal parking, and there was no way to talk my way out of it. 200 bucks. 200 freakin' bucks.

If you have an experience more bizarre than this to recount, consider my space all yours. Is there no extent to my magnanimity? :-p

P.S.: I really want to write thay abstract piece- all metaphorical, deep, thoughtful, and of course, utter bullshit!!