Living...but not alive

pé®ég®ïnûs さんのプロフィールPrometheus, Epimetheus a...フォトブログリスト

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12月5日

Call it morose, depressing, morbid. Call me a loser, a freak, a wimp, whatever. I have to let this out...

*********************************************************************

Why must life be so complicated?
Why can't it be simpler?
Why must I think so much about everything?
Why must do well in my exams?
Why must I get into a good university?
Why must I earn a six figure salary?
Why must I be afraid or ashamed of failure?

Why cant life be about food, clothing and shelter?
Why must I wear branded clothes and own an mp3 player?
Why must it seem like the best years if my life are behind me?
Why must each mistake of mine have irreversible repercussions on my percieved future?
Why must I be worried sick whether I'll earn enough to educate my kids?
When I probably wont even live that long...

Why wasnt I born in the 19th century?
So that I would be happily dead ever after 1900?

Why must it seem like my body is giving up on me?
Why must it seem like everything I do is a lost cause?
Why must I compete with a quintillion others just to get this entry read?
Why am I even making this entry?

Why do I give so much importance to whatever happens in my life?
Even when I know that if I didnt wake up tomorrow, or ever again, no one would give a fuck...
Why must I have amazing God-given abilities?
Why must I make something of myself just because I have these abilities?
Why must I suffocate myself under my own expectations??
Why am I not a dimwit who'll just scrape through life?

Why is it that whatever I do with my life, I am going to end up dead and forgotten, just like that thief, that prostitute and that serial killer?
Why must I be an obedient son, a sincere student and a model citizen?
Why must I be bound by the "acceptable limits" of "social behaviour"?
Why must I submit myself to the whims of incompetent nincompoops just because they are in positions of power?

What has happened to me?
Why have I become so negative?
Where is my Faith, my Belief?
Why am I plagued by self doubt?
I used to be invincible...
Capable of doing anything that you could throw at me...
Why am I a mere mortal again?
Why have my powers deserted me?
Why has the Force forsaken me?
Why have I become weak, defenceless?
Why have I become petty, pathetic?

Why must I crib so much?
When I know that my life is just about perfect...
And that there is really nothing more I could ask for....

Why then, am I so hollow?
Why do I have no one to speak to, except the whole wide world?
Why must I keep asking these questions, when I know they have no answers?

Why do I even bother?
To take the next breath
To eat the next meal
To sleep the next night

I wish I could just run away
I wish someone would make me up and tell me that it was all just a bad dream
I wish I could take my life into my own hands
I wish I could just start over...

Why do I choose to continue living?

Because I've been granted a life...
And because of that quintessential human delusion....
called....
"Hope"

I dont want anyone's sympathy..
I dont want anyone's pity..
I WANT my Life back
I WANT Me back...

*********************************************************************

"Hope- Its the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strengths and your greatest weaknesses"

- The Architect
"The Matrix Reloaded"

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コメント (35 件)

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	-WiCkeD_sMile- さんの投稿: hey really .. we have a lot of similia opinions ... i love asking questions .... and answering them ... 12 月 19 日
	mysticalnightpixie さんの投稿: random comments are most welcome hercules,,,its time you build your kingdom tho dont u think??... so write on...follow your words your destiny........... .................oh father of medusa...(its late and i cant rack my brain for any spelling of other mythological characters) 12 月 19 日
	icyvolcano_5 さんの投稿: why why why??? yet continue living in the delusion called HOPE...it will see you through all whys. Hey you have a great space...how it escaped me.. So Peregrinus, nice to know you ( u 100years old) i am many centuries old..was here since life was a cell..haha Hey even I was made for 19th centuries , I am a princess of yore trapped in a proletarian's body..lol! Thanks for dropping by and appreciating my work..I am trying only.... icy 12 月 15 日
	crAzee_gAl005 さんの投稿: its almost as if u had read mah mind.........awesome blog n an amazin space.....keep up the gud work!! tc regards ritika 12 月 14 日
	AnotherPrickOnTheWall さんの投稿: Hey there!!.. Just came to remind you.. (& myself) That there's just another day left for ur eggjams to get over.. Good for u.. & I also came here to rub it in that.. "My commets are at an all time high.. & So Am I!!" Lol.. *Snigger.. Ciao.. & TC.. 12 月 11 日
	Mystic11185 さんの投稿: Moral of the Story: Take your pick - thief, prostitute or serial killer? ;-) Seriously, u've put into words what every single one of us is going through at this stage. Unfortunately, questions are all they'll remain. No answers. Ever. Until a time comes when you feel you don't need any answers to these questions anymore. For that day, we live in HOPE... 12 月 10 日
	Sizzlingtree さんの投稿: No I've never been able to get the stories out of my head and onto paper. I think I lack the words or the creativity required for that.....but maybe someday!! 12 月 10 日
	-MissContrary- さんの投稿: Listen now smarty pants, I do have a life beyond my blog. The sooner you realize and accept that, the less 'scathing' my comments will be. Oooh, we're all worried about gender equality now, are we? Friggin' hypocrites! (Just to irk you, I did not refer to all men as dogs, it was just your kind; my Da's a gem.) Now, I have considered swinging the other way because of my persistent bad luck with men. So don't pride yourself on providing a solution that I've already pondered. My offer to treat your neuropsychological condition is still open. I do offer discounted rates if you're eligible. To qualify, you have to venerate me until I've had enough. My family (be it extended even) is a very, VERY touchy subject with me. If you make allegations, then be prepared to defend them. I love debating. You'll be in an aluminium coffin by the time I'm done with you. Lol. Alright, now I have more important things to do. Goodnight then. 12 月 9 日
	Sizzlingtree さんの投稿: I have left a comment on your site before but a long long time back! All the best with your exams. And yes I read Literotica! I make no bones about it either. Some of the published romances I read are as steamy as some of the stories on literotica!! So it makes no difference to me- one is on paper and the other is on the web. 12 月 9 日
	molina_ccr さんの投稿: awesome .. i'm not going to say anything else about this one .. i think that says it all ... :) Peace ... P.S. i love those line from the Matrix. 12 月 8 日
	She-Lucifer さんの投稿: Haw, no no no no no, I dont do drugs..!Nopes never have, never will! I dnt care advertise everywher!!Grrr..!! Uve not slipped ,its just that I've encountered CW's of the new kind coughprickcough & u urself no that I delete comments,I'd deleted 3 rite before urs! Whaddya mean proper...Atleast I'm not askin mind numbingly merry go round questions !! j/k j/k I din't mean that :P ,U no dat! Best of luck for ur final exam...dnt banish cuz I dint wish u ! Take Care! 12 月 8 日
	mysticalnightpixie さんの投稿: what happened to the"i ve promises to keep is"..i hve none if frost wants to turn let him i say....;p aaand mr.tauros kretaios u the great god of questions u ask me a humble (questioner??!!) peasant that??... your clean shaven pics is still drawfed by your hideos bearded visage... anyways.. some ppl are are on the edge (of the cliff)..some ppl are over it...im hand gliding... peace! 12 月 8 日
	Sizzlingtree さんの投稿: I love what you've written and also that line from the Matrix but thats cause I just love the movie-period! I think everyone of us feels as you do at some point in our lives. For some of us it is all our lives which is a scary thought. 12 月 8 日
	-MissContrary- さんの投稿: Just to spite you, I'm going to comment. Ha! Although I suspect that this is your way of increasing your comments. Ho hum. What's wrong with being a virgin? It's a highly demanded quality I say! Men and their twisted logic. Bah! Do you blame me for underestimating your capacity to understand? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? I did mean manners in a well-trained doggie way. Paton the back and all. Men need to be kept in their place. Did you honestly list all your qualities so that I may pick you? Because clearly the absence of a French chalet will hurt you maybe? Muhaha. I'm feeling very impish at the moment, so this is going to be an all over the place comment. What does being related to GF have to do with anything? You should know that he still washes his own clothes, sits in the front with his driver in an Ambassador, and only recently had gates put because of security reasons. Also know that his house is badly in need of some cementing and painting. Also know that his brother, my father, brought us up on his measly pension and an occasional "purse" when he made a settlement for his unions. 12 月 8 日
	AnotherPrickOnTheWall さんの投稿: Ok well.. U did!!.. Its just that I got 23 comments for that entry.. I got all excited & didn't check properly.. Lol. Ciao. 12 月 7 日
	AnotherPrickOnTheWall さんの投稿: You've missed commenting on my previous entry eh? Gee.. Guess I'm real bad at advertising.. :P Lol.. Pray don't let me down this time.. :P Ciao.. & TC.. 12 月 7 日
	She-Lucifer さんの投稿: Ola.... I think ur gonna miss the top 10 agn this time :( And ur problem is that u dont bloody advertise to enuf ppl that u've updated!! I've always loved these entries,I'm not sure y anybody else wouldn't ?!!! Drop by :) Take care 12 月 7 日
	She-Lucifer さんの投稿: Whoooaaa....Goa..! Thts awesome..!! Lucky u man..!~ So am guessing that as soon as ur exams finish ur going...amazing! Celebrate ur new year there too..heard they hv awesum rave parties...never been ther tho! :( Wanna go to bangkok before i go to goa...! (Hopefully that'llbe before I turn 21!) :D 12 月 7 日
	mysticalnightpixie さんの投稿: yo hercules one more question....(do i hear an "oh no!"?) why do ppl with closed minds have open mouths?? ... 12 月 7 日
	SupernaturalScatterbrain さんの投稿: oops.. how does that happen anway? 12 月 6 日

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